Is This A Problem?
by JenCollins1
Summary: Misha truly love Jensen but lately Jensen have start to be cold to him. Alcohol problems, trust issues, sex, lot of sex. Love and Heartbreak. Will they go strong through it all or will they break and go separate ways?
1. Chapter 1

Misha woke up from someone closing the door with a loud bang. He got out of bed, looking at his watch.

2:23am

He walked slowly to the sound to find Jensen leaning against the wall trying to get his boots off.

"Do you know what time it is?" Misha asked in a tired voice.

"Yeah.." Jensen smiled and looked at Misha with drunk, half open eyes.

Misha let out a long breath and helped Jensen to get out of his boots.

"Come. Let's go to bed." Misha tried to pull Jensen to the bedroom.

Jensen wrapped his arms around Misha's waist and pulled him against the wall.

"Nah. I'm good here. With you." Jensen slurred out and started kissing Misha's neck.

"Jen, I'm tired. Lets go to sleep. You're drunk." Misha sighed, annoyed and tired.

Again he finished his sentence in his head.

Jensen had drinking problems. But that wasn't the biggest problem. The biggest problem was that Jensen doesn't think he has a problem. Not at all.

"I don't wanna sleep. I wanna fuck." Jensen moved his hips against Misha's and kissed him deep and hungrily.

Misha let him. He knew Jensen wasn't going to listen either way.

Jensen deepened the kiss and started to pull Misha's shirt off.

"Let's take this to bed.." Misha tried.

"No. It's sexier against the wall." Jensen said with a lazy smile and pulled Misha's shirt off.

Jensen was already hard. He sucked Misha's bottom lip and then pulled away, an evil smirk spreading to his lips.

Jensen turned Misha around and pushed him against the wall. He pulled off Misha's boxers and spread his legs. Within seconds he pushed his dick inside Misha.

Misha gasped in a breath and bit his lip to stop a painful scream from slipping through his lips. Tears started to burn in his eyes.

Jensen started moving. He held Misha's hands against the wall. He let out pleasured moans while Misha tried to keep his sobs inside himself.

Jensen sucked on his neck, making the pain a little less painful.

Misha tried to concentrate on his breathing. And soon Jensen moaned out while going over the edge. A little bit after he moaned once and pulled out of Misha, hugging him close to his chest.

Misha didn't dare to look inside Jensen's eyes. He didn't want him to see tears running down his cheeks.

"Let's go to bed." Misha tried and failed to keep the stutter from his voice, but Jensen was too drunk to notice.

"Okay, babe." Jensen kissed the back of Misha's neck and went to bed.

Misha slowly made his way to his bathroom.

It hurt like hell to walk.

He hopped into the shower and let the water wash away all his pains.

Misha keep looking down and saw blood coloring the clear water rose red.

Misha let all his tears run free.

Why should he keep them in when he knows that Jensen is sleeping in their bed?

A bed that no longer felt warm and comfortable.

Misha let it all out. He know that Jensen would not hear him breaking down. The flowing water will mask all sounds.

After 15 minutes he turned off the water and put a towel around himself.

He looked into the miror. He didn't recognize the man looking back at him. Tired, old man with pale blue eyes. Broken man.

Misha looked away and slowly made his way to the bedroom. He put on clean boxers and slowly tried to lay down in bed without causing to much pain for himself.

He bit his lip when Jensen cuddled against his back, pushing his hips so close to Misha's sore ass that it made it burn with new pains.

Jensen put his arms around Misha and took in deep breath. And with that Jensen kept sleeping in a deep sleep.

Jensen always slept better when he felt Misha against himself.

Misha closed his eyes and listened to Jensen's breathing. He could hear Jensen's heartbeat against his own back. And he tried to remember how good it all was in the start. In the start when Jensen could hold his drinking problem under control.

And with sweet memories in his mind, Misha fall asleep.

Misha woke up after just 2 hours of sleep. Everything just hurt so much that he couldn't sleep anymore. And the hot air was radiating from Jensen's body next to him wasn't helping.

Misha dressed for work and started to make breakfast. He wasn't hungry at all. And he didn't know why he keep making breakfasts for Jensen after all this. But he always did.

Misha put everything on the desk and left. No work out for him. Everything hurt too much.

Misha needed to film some episode as a guest on a TV show he was on.

No one asked him what was wrong and why he wasn't as smiley as always.

His day went in rush. But Misha liked it 'cause then he didn't have any time to rethink about last night.

"Hey Mish, we are going to get some drinks, do you want to join?" Some girl from set asked him with a kind smile.

"Yeah. That would be cool." Misha smiled softly at her and she beamed at him.

He got his stuff and followed the other actors.

Misha didn't look in his phone. He knew that there would be messages from Jensen.

Misha just didn't want to talk with him.

Not now.

It was just a little too much.

And hell, who is he trying to lie to?

Since Jensen started drinking it was too much. Not just a little. A hell of a lot.

How many times had Jensen fucked him when Misha didn't even want it?

Too many times to count.

And what did Misha do?

Nothing.

He did nothing.

Said nothing.

He let it all happen.

Just because he loved him a little too much to think about himself.

Misha shrugged all thoughts off and sat down with the rest of cast.

And when they offered him shots he accepted them without thinking.

After some hours Misha was so wasted.

He just drank all his problem's away.

For once it is him that is sitting in a bar drinking.

Without thinking.

And finally he looked at his phone.

It said that it was already 3:37 am.

It felt weird that Misha didn't care.

He had 9 missed calls from Jensen and 24 messages.

Misha just put his phone back in his pocket and stood up.

"Alrighty. I'm going hooome. Thanks for this evening guys. It was fun." Misha was slightly slurring as he smiled and hugged everyone.

When he was outside the bar he breathed in cold night air.

And it made him feel so good.

He didn't call a taxi.

He just walked home though it would take him a long time.

Around 5 he finally locked his apartments doors.

Sorry his and Jensen's apartment door.

He stood waiting.

Nothing.

Misha always came to great Jensen no matter how late he came, but Jensen didn't come.

Misha huffed out a breath and went to their bedroom.

Jensen was sleeping in bed.

The small room smelled of alcohole. Misha opened the window and just looked out.

Little whispers came to his mind.

It whispered that only if he would put his legs outside and than with a little push with his hands he would end all his pains, all his problems. He would end all.

Misha let one hot tear run down his left cheek.

He went to his bed and slowly removed his clothes. He looked at a sleeping Jensen, wondering when it all went this wrong.

When Misha stopped being good enough for him.

Misha let out a long breath and laid down in bed.

He let sleep take over him.

Take him to sweet darkness.

His old friend.

When he woke up he was alone in his apartment.

Jensen didn't leave a note or wake him.

Misha sat down on the sofa and let a break down take over him.

He didn't know what to do.

He felt sick even after he remembered he had not eaten anything in two days.

He rushed to the bathroom and let all his muscle cramps take over his stomach.

Cold tiles calmed him down a bit.

A little whisper came in his mind telling that he could end it all. He would need to take all pills and then go to a roof and jump. Easy as that.

It felt so welcoming to wish.

Misha let sobs take over him.

"Why the hell am i like this!?" He cried out loud.

He wanted Jensen to come and hug him.

Tell him that everything was alright.

That all this was just a nightmare.

But Jensen never came.

He never told Misha words like that.

All he did when he came home was make Misha bleed. Again.

And again Misha was left in his shower, crying and staring at the blood.

He wished he could be brave enough to end all this.

He didn't even remember the last time when Jensen was gentle with him. And it fucking hurt.

Misha was broken.

And he didn't know how to fix it all.

He had no idea.


	2. Chapter 2

Misha had enough. He was sitting in the bathrooms cold tiles and looking down at his bleeding arm. He had cut it several times through this breakdown. It made him feel better when he did it. But now? Now he started to feel numb. He closed his eye tightly.

Just a little bit of rest. He thought as he allowed darkness to overcome him.

When Misha woke up he felt cold. He looked down and saw the small blood pool under his arm. His blood. He slowly stood up and looked in the mirror. He looked extra pale. More like gray with dark circles under his eyes. He let out a shivering breath and started to wash his now sore arm. With water it started bleeding again. Misha quickly put bandages on it. Too many years of practice of doing this so no one would see.

Misha cleaned the blood off the tiles. He felt so cold. And a little bit sick. It's because he lost a little too much blood. And that is because he cut deep.

Misha laid down the blankets and let his thoughts travel around.

It's been years from the last time he had been in a state like this.

And he would never imagine that Jensen would put him back in this.

Misha took his phone and called his therapist.

"Hi Mish! How are you? It is so great you called." A cheerful voice rang through the phone.

"Hi... I'm... I'm not good... I need your help... I... I..." Misha didn't know how to say it.

"Mish, did you do something to yourself? Oh god. That's why I had that terrible feeling. Now calm down and tell me how bad is it." A soft worried voice calmed Misha down a bit.

"Uh... I had these whispers in my head... And I cut today... There was little pools of bloods when I woke up... And it started bleeding again when I washed my arm... But I did put a bandage on it... But I don't feel okay... I think it was a little too much... It is really cold here... I feel like shivering... And crying..." Misha said in trembling whispers.

"Mish... I think it would be better if I would come see you. Would it be alright if I drived to you now?" A soft voice asked him.

"Yeah... I think so... Jensen won't be home for more ten hours so yeah...Okay..." Misha let out a long breath.

"Than see you soon."

The call ended.

Misha put the phone next to him and closed his eyes.

He knew that it was dangerous to sleep now but he had fallen asleep right after cutting so he was sure that nothing would happen if he would sleep for a bit.

Misha woke up from the doorbell ringing.

He slowly made his way to the doors and was met by beautiful greyish brown eyes.

"Oh Mish. You look terrible.." The man stepped inside the flat.

-thank you Alex. Thank you. I would like to lie down. I feel like my legs won't hold me any moment longer.-Misha lay down on the couch.

"Now give me your arm. I'll look at what we can do about it." Alex kneeled beside Misha.

Misha gave him his arm and closed his eyes. He let Alex do all what was necesary.

He thought about the first time he met Alex. That he thought how a young boy like Alex could help him. Alex was only 20 years old when Misha met him. And he was his therapist.

Misha had to say that Alex was the best therapist he had met and Alex had become a really good friend too.

"Done. But Mish... Can you tell me why you are in this state again?" Alex sat next to Misha's waist on the couch and looked Misha in the eyes.

Misha looked deep inside Alex's eyes. He knew that he could trust Alex. That's how Misha told everything to him.

In the end, both of them were crying.

Alex held Misha tight to his chest to calm him down. Misha knew how much it hurt for Alex to see his friend like this. To hear how much Misha had been hurt.

"Mish... I know that filming is important to you but I think it would be the best if you would come with me..." Alex whispered.

"To a mental hospital..?" Misha's eyes widened.

"Yes, Misha. I don't want you to accidently kill yourself. I won't forgive myself that. I won't forgive myself for this, that I didn't saw how broken you are." Alex held Misha a little stronger with tears in his eyes.

"Okay... Okay... I just need to call and tell them that I will be off SPN... and I should tell something to Jensen..." Misha said in a soft voice.

"I know it is hard but it will be for the best. You need to be done with your problems so you can continue live your life in happiness." Alex let one hand through Misha's hair.

Misha nodded and took his phone. He knew how heartbreaking it would be for everyone that there will be no Castiel on the show, but he needed to get his life back together. The call to the studio made him extra sad because it was meant to be filming destiel becoming canon tomorrow. He wish he could give that to the fans but it was impossible now.

After the call Misha was in tears. He truly loved this show. He Loved his character as a sassy gay angel.

"Do you want to stay tonight and talk with Jensen or just come with me right now?" Alex drew soothing circles on Misha's back to calm him down.

"I should talk with him... Try to explain it all... Only if he won't be drunk again... But go, If I will choose to go tonight I will call you. And thank you, Alex." Misha let a weak smile out.

"Okay. Be careful." Alex didn't want to leave Misha alone. But he knew he needed to give him his time.

Misha looked at Alex as he drove away and started to wait for Jensen.

After a couple hours he heard Jensen coming inside the flat. Misha didn't go to greet him. He sat in the sofa, waiting.

Jensen stopped next to Misha.

"What the hell? You're done with Supernatural!?" Jensen was angry. And drunk. Again.

Misha didn't answer. He looked at his bandaged arm.

"Answer me!" Jensen roared out, sitting down next to Misha.

"Because I am sick..." Misha let out no louder then a whisper.

"What? Sick how?" Jensen went from angry to worried in a matter of seconds.

Misha looked him in the eyes. He hasn't heard Jensen caring about him for so long.

"Mentally Ill.." Misha looked Jensen in the eyes as he said these two little words.

Jensen looked at him, waiting for him to tell that this was just a joke.

"But... But we have Destiel canon scene tomorrow..." Jensen sounded sad. "I thought that I would finally be able to kiss you in front of cameras.."

"I know... I want that too but I can't... I am broken Jen... Too broken to continue living like nothing had happened..." Misha let his eyes travel down to his arm. Jensen looked down on it too.

"Did you do that by yourself...?" Jensen sounded really scared.

Misha nodded.

"Mish!" Jensen pulled him into a hug."Is that because of me...?" Jensen was so close to tears.

Misha just nodded and didn't mask the flinch he felt when Jensen's hand rested on his hip.

"My Mish... I am so so sorry..." Jensen was really sorry. He never meant to hurt Misha like that.

They sat and cried and then happened what Misha didn't see happening. Jensen kissed him really softly. The kiss was full of love and Misha felt okay right after it.

"Okay. Will you need to see your therapist or go to a mental hospital?" Jensen looked so sad.

"I did see my therapist today and he said that it will be better to go to the hospital..." Misha said.

"..He? Your therapist is a man?" Jensen couldn't mask his jealousy.

"Yes/ And he is 15 years younger than me. Calm down. I am not interested in him. I like older men. Just like you. And I love you." Misha let his hand through Jensen's hair.

Jensen smiled. "I love you too!" He kissed him gently.

And Misha smiled for real now.

"What would you say if I would see a therapist too? For my drinking and anger issues? And what about as a couple?" Jensen look hopefully into Misha's eyes. "I don't wanna lose you. I won't survive without you." Jensen was so close to tears again.

"Yeah... I think it would be great." Misha hugged Jensen.

"Lets go to sleep baby. I want to hold you in my arms 'cause I don't know when will be the next time I will be able to hold you." Jensen put soft kisses all over Misha's face, making him smile.

"Yeah.. I am really tired. I lost a little too much blood in these days..." Misha murmured the last part.

"Did i made you bleed after...?" Jensen trailed off, looking full of fear.

Misha nodded and let hot tears run down his cheeks.

Jensen held him in hug and murmured apologizes through tears.

When they calmed down they kissed sweet innocent kisses.

Jensen stood up and took Misha in his lap.

Misha held his breath in a brief moment of fear.

Jensen kissed him softly.

"I will just carry you to bed. Don't worry. No sex until you feel safe around me." Jensen carried Misha to bed.

"Thank you." Misha whispered, letting Jensen take care of him.

It felt so good to feel Jensen taking care of him.

And soft innocent kisses under the blankets made Misha's heart warm.

And finally after so long time he feel into a sweet sleep without worries or nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been some time after Misha came to the Mental Hospital.

2 months. 6 days.

Jensen had not even come to visit him, once. Not once.

It made Misha sad knowing that Jensen didn't want to come and visit him here.

But at least Misha's mental state started to get better and better.

Alex helped Misha so much.

There started to come times where Misha was actually happy again.

Misha's room door opened and Alex came inside in his casual clothes on, not work clothes.

"Hey, Mish!" Alex grinned at him.

"Hey, Alex." Misha sat up in his bed.

"How are you feeling?" Alex sat down infront of Misha.

"I think I'm feeling pretty well, thanks." Misha smiled.

"That's good. And your mood will only get better now." Alex started to smile wider, making Misha to do the same.

"Why? What will happen?" Misha asked with childish joy inside of him.

"We're going out of the hospital for lunch time." Alex said in a joyful tone of voice.

"Are you serious?" Misha stood and asked, joy covering his face and body language.

"Yes! Get dressed! Go go go!" Alex laughed.

"Oh my God! Thank you!" Misha hugged Alex quickly before starting to get dressed.

"I'm ready! We can go!" Misha said in his most cheerfull tone.

"Then let's go." Alex smiled and opened the doors for them both.

They drove to the town center and grabbed a bunch of junk food for their lunch.

"Do you know how much I will need to work out after this?" Misha said, laughing and eating.

"Nah. You don't need to work out. You already have a juicy ass." Alex said, laughing.

"Oh really? A juicy ass?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Sexy little juicy ass that makes my mouth water." Alex said truthfully, looking straight into Misha's eyes.

"Wow. No one has ever has told something like that about my ass. But it sounded damn sexy! Thank you!" Misha smiled and continued eating.

Alex let out a soft laugh and continued eating.

After that they took a long walk through the park. Misha wanted to feed ducks.

"It just makes me so happy to help others. It make me feel complete." Misha said, feeding ducks.

"I understand. I feel kinda the same. I think that's one of reasons I become doctor." Alex said, sitting down.

"It's great and it make you feel great." Misha sat down next to Alex.

For a little time they just sat in comfortable silence and watched the ducks swimming and eating.

After going back to the hospital Alex stayed for a little with Misha.

"Today was great." Misha said as a little yawn slipped through his lips.

"You look like a little cute kitten when you yawn." Alex let out a laugh.

"Why thank you." Misha laughed."I think I'm ready for sleep. Thank you for letting me go out.-Misha smiled.

"You worked hard to get this day out. Go to sleep. Tomorrow we have morning group after breakfast." Alex put the blanket over Misha.

"Thank you." Misha smiled as his eyes drifted shut.

After three months and 5 days Misha was ready to finally leave the Mental Hospital

It made him really happy.

Alex gave Misha a drive to his apartment.

"Thank you again for helping me." Misha smiled, taking his bag.

"You know that I am always here to help you." Alex smiled and watched Misha going inside.

Most of his evening Misha just sat and relaxed, being happy to finally be home.

Some familiar sounded made Misha's attention turn to TV.

And there it was. The loud sound of the Supernatural intro.

Today must be the new episode.

Misha sat down and watched.

It was so interesting to watch a new episode without knowing what will be inside it.

Misha took his phone and started live tweeting.

First tweet, of course was -look who's back. Hello to everyone.-

The episode was so intense..

It was so emotional to watch Dean. And Jensen.

Misha let a smile play on his lips.

But than his smile fell.

Dean was hooking up with some girl.

And after these lines it sounded that he had a relationship with her.

-Hey, who is that girl Dean is hooking up? #SPNFamily #Supernatural - Misha tweeted.

And the replies came right away. Most were the same answer.

\- She is Dean's girlfriend for around 4 months shortly after Cas left.-

That tweet hurt more then needed.

But hey, they can do whatever they want. Misha was the one who left the show.

Episode ended with Dean making sick love eyes to this blond girl.

Misha stood up and went to his kitchen.

He stood next to window and looked out into the evening.

Maybe he could come back to the show.

He is an angel. He can come back.

Misha texted the writers saying he was back from his break and thanking them.

Soon there came an invention to come to set tomorrow.

It made Misha so so happy!

He went to bed anxious to come back to Supernatural.

When Misha came to set first thing he saw was Jensen sorry Dean making out with the blond girl.

Misha stood awkwardly and watched how full of feelings and love it looked.

"Cut! Great job! Little break now." The director went to look over the filmed scene.

Jensen talked with the blond and went to his trailer without any noticing Misha.

Misha went to the writers.

They had a little talk that made Misha forgot that blond girl.

"I'm so happy that we will have our angel back to the show!" One of the writers said, smiling brightly at him.

"I am happy to be back." Misha smiled, looking down at his script.

"Then see you tomorrow on the set as Castiel!" The writer smiled.

"Yeah. Cas will be here." Misha smiled back.

When Misha went home he couldn't stop himself from tweeting a little photo of the title of the script with the description - Welcome back Castiel -

Misha smiled. He felt so proud of Cas coming back.

First Misha had some single scenes filming where and why Cas went and how he was. Then there come the scene where Dean sees Cas again.

When Jensen came to set his jaw dropped when he saw Misha standing in the middle in Cas' outfit.

"Misha?!" Jensen asked without believing his eyes.

"Hello Jensen." Misha said in his deep Castiel voice.

He watched as full forced emotions came through Jensen's face.

But then the blond girl came and stood next to Jensen, putting her arms around his waist and kissing his cheek.

A high pitched sound started to ring in Misha's head. His heart was breaking.

He stood there, watching the blond girl kissing Jensen and Jensen putting his arms around her.

"Can we finally start?" Misha snapped, glaring.

"Yes, of course. Jensen take your position." The director said.

Filming went fast.

Misha was good at not showing his real emotions.

"Cut!" The directors voice Misha storm off.

"Misha. Wait." Jensen grabbed his arm.

"Wait?! What!?" Misha snapped. "Until you stop fucking that girl?" Misha let his anger out without caring that other would hear.

"Would you just shut the fuck up and listen!?" Jensen yelled at the top of his lungs, griping Misha's arm stronger, sure to leave bruise.

"listen to what!? Some idiotic story you just come up to get out of this shit?" Misha let his sassy self come out in full speed."And get your fucking hands off me!" Misha pushed Jensen away but Jensen's grip only got stronger.

"Why the fuck can't you just listen!?" Jensen pushed Misha against the wall. Hard.

Pain was what wrote on Misha's face but soon it all went too anger.

"Then go! Explain to me why do you fuck that blond whore!?" Misha screamed in Jensen's face.

"Shut up already!" Jensen snapped.

In the next moment his lips were on Misha's.

Misha tried to push Jensen away but Jensen only kissed him harder.

Misha gave in and answered to the kiss.

It soon got heated and made Misha and Jensen's body felt like it was on fire.

Jensen started to undress Misha in a hurry.

With hot sloppy kisses between. Their lips never parting more than to inhale the needed air.

When Jensen unbuckled Misha's trousers, Misha stopped him.

"No." He whispered, looking away with tears in his eyes.

"What?" Jensen asked in disbelief.

"I said no." Misha pushed Jensen away and took his clothes from the floor and went to his trailer to change.

He just finished changing when a message from the writers.

Misha went to their office meeting, Jensen was already sitting there.

"Misha. Please sit." One of them said.

Misha took his seat, leaving a big space between him and Jensen.

"About what happened after today scene.."

"It won't happen again." Misha was quick to say and Jensen nodded furiously in agreement.

"We actually wanted to say that it was caught on camera and we would like to use it in an episode because together with that scene it was perfect. Destiel could go canon. This time for sure." The writers said, smiling.

"What?" Misha and Jensen said together, shocked.

"Of course. If you will allow us. Just watch how it looks together." One of the writers played the filmed material.

And it actually looked perfect together.

"Okay. I am happy to give the fans what they want." Misha said as he stood.

"Amazing!"

Misha didn't bother staying longer.

He went to his car and opened twitter.

\- Something big is coming soon #SPNFamily - He tweeted and closed the twitter app.

It would be a long, hard road.. Misha thought as he drove home.


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone was in shock when new episode was aired.

Twitter went crazy.

Misha kept scrolling through tweets and reactions of how sudden Destiel become canon.

\- If they only knew... - He murmured to himself and close his laptop.

He looked out in the dark.

He have got better but pain was back with the first look at Jensen.

Was he really so easy to forget?

\- No, stop thinking like this before it gets out of hand. - Misha said to himself and get up to take a shower.

He felt extreme tired for some reason.

After shower he stopped at his bedroom door and stare at the lonely big bed in the middle of it.

How many nights he have spend wishing for Jensen to be there with him.

And how many night he have wished that he could be alone in that bed.

Misha groaned and went into bed.

It felt so cold but Misha's heart was burning.

He closed his eyes trying to fall asleep before falling apart.

*beep* *beep* beep*

Misha opened his eyes and turned the damn alarm clock off.

He just hoped out of the shower when there was a knock at his door.

Misha didn't bother to put anything more on than just a towel around his waist and opened the door.

But than he froze.

Jensen's eyes was sliding all over Misha's body taking in every inch of it.

\- What are you doing here? - Misha asked keeping his voice strong.

\- Good morning to you too. I come with breakfast. - Jensen showed him small bag and slipped past Misha inside his apartment.

\- I didn't let you in. - Misha closed the door.

\- Why so bitchy? - Jensen sit down and start to pull out breakfast from his bag.

\- I am not bitchy! - Misha crossed his arms over his chest.

\- Sexy as always. - Jensen smiled.

\- Can you please stop it? - Misha let out long breath and went into bedroom to put on some clothes.

When he come back Jensen was already eating.

\- Come sit down and eat your breakfast. You have lost a lot of weight. - Jensen murmured with full mouth.

\- Like you care. - Misha snapped back and sit down taking smol bowl with fruit salad and started to eat.

\- So, how are you? - Jensen asked looking up straight into Misha's eyes.

\- Can you stop pretending that you care? It won't make things easier, ya know? Only worse. Like it did before I needed to leave. - Misha said sounding little annoyed.

\- I don't pretend. I actually fucking care about you. - Jensen snapped back.

\- Oh, than why the hell are you fucking some blond girl? Than why did you never come to visit me in rehab? If you really care, than why don't it feel like it? Hm? Can you answer that? - Misha looked deep in Jensen's eyes waiting for answer.

He knew that he was walking on thin ice but he couldn't do anything than to be truly honest. He needed to know the answers.

\- Why I didn't go to visit you? Are you fucking joking me? Maybe ask your fucking friend about that? - Jensen let all anger show in his voice.

\- What this have to do with Alex? - Misha was confused.

\- He didn't let me close to you. Didn't let me visit you. I was so called "trigger" for you. And since i wanted you to get better, I stayed away giving you all the time you need. - hurt was reflecting in his eyes.

\- That don't explain why you choose to cheat on me... - Misha was close to tears.

\- I didn't cheat. Fuck! I didn't even know if we are still boyfriends. And it just... happened. With filming and all, it just... got out of hand... - Jensen looked down on his hands.

\- You understand that you are telling exact same thing you told when it happened with us? Filming. Do you fuck everyone your character get close in the filming? - Misha put his hands in his lap.

\- Fuck, no. Mish. - Jensen looked up.

\- Don't. No need to lie. Not anymore. I understand that I was never good enough for you and that i will never be. I was just a fuck toy for you. Small experiment cuz you wanted to see how it is to be with a man. I understand. So please, no more lies. - Misha stand up.

\- What are you talking about? You are more than enough. Always have been. You never was just a fuck toy. - Jensen stand up too.

\- If this is true what you are saying, than why the fuck you never said that you love me?! Why did you hurt me? Why did you use me? Why? - tears was starting to rise.

\- I don't know... I just don't know. That was a damn stupid mistake I regret. I cut off my drinking. I tried to get better. I tried for you. - Jensen took step closer to Misha.

\- Don't come close to me. - Misha murmured.

\- Mish... - Jensen put his hand on Misha's shoulder.

\- DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! - Misha screamed and stumbled back like something have burned him.

Jensen stand there all hurt.

\- I'm sorry... Mish, I am so damn sorry. - He hold his arm out for Misha.

\- Get out. Get the fuck out! - Misha was close to breaking.

He couldn't do that anymore.

It was too much.

\- Mish... - Jensen tried one last time.

\- Please... - Misha said with his voice breaking.

It was like slap in the face to Jensen to hear and see him so broken.

He went to the door and stopped looking back one last time just to see Misha sliding down to the floor crying before he left.


End file.
